List of The Green Green Grass episodes

The following is a list of episodes for the British sitcom The Green Green Grass, that aired on BBC One from 9 September 2005 to 5 March 2009.

The cast of The Green Green Grass with John Challis and Sue Holderness sitting at the centre

Series overview

Series		Episodes		Originally aired
				First aired	Last aired
	1	7		9 September 2005	14 October 2005
	2	8		15 September 2006	27 October 2006
	3	8		2 November 2007	21 December 2007
	4	9		8 January 2009	5 March 2009

Episodes

Series 1 (2005)

Episode	Title	Directed by	Written by	Original airdate	Duration	Viewership
Series
1	"Keep On Running"	Tony Dow	John Sullivan	9 September 2005	30 minutes	8.88 million
Boycie receives word from an old friend that the Driscoll brothers have found it was him that got them put in prison. So Boycie sells his business and the house whilst his wife is at a health spa and his son is in France. He then confronts them upon their arrival home by simply stating that they are moving. He initially tries to hide the reason for their sudden departure from Peckham, but Marlene gets it out of him by threatening to strip naked. The family arrive at their new home to find the locals worrying and the history of the farm disturbing.
2	"A Rocky Start"	Tony Dow	John Sullivan	16 September 2005	30 minutes	6.34 million
Boycie decides he needs to show the people of Oakham that he is not just an ordinary farmer, but a Gentleman farmer. To prove his point, he buys a prize-winning bull called Rocky. However, Boycie and his staff later find out that the bull has problems. Boycie discovers that Rocky is a gay bull and he won prizes via artificial insemination, something which the seller failed to mention to Boycie. Meanwhile, Tyler can't seem to find a place to ride his skateboard as there is nothing but grass everywhere; even the hills are covered.
3	"The Country Wife"	Tony Dow	John Sullivan	23 September 2005	30 minutes	5.86 million
Marlene tries her hand at country cooking, despite the warnings from her husband and her son. She demands Boycie goes and picks some berries of the many bushes in their fields even though he is reluctant to do so Boycie takes the basket and leaves. Whilst Boycie is picking berries he meets their next door neighbor – the mad Welsh man, Llewellyn who holds a shotgun to his head whilst giving a lecture about Wales. Llewellyn latter holds Rocky for ransom when he wanders onto his land. Boycie then seeks legal advice and is told that he has to pay the mad Welsh man.
4	"Hay Fever"	Tony Dow	John Sullivan	30 September 2005	30 minutes	6.33 million
As Boycie and Marlene are only just dealing with the fact they have a gay bull and a miserable next door neighbour, they can't be doing with Tyler around the house all day and all night either, so they think it's time he started at his new school to Tyler's dismay. Meanwhile, Elgin orders a herd of cows as Farmer Boyce instructed, but Marlene insists they buy only six cows and she is extremely annoyed when she arrives home to find a herd of three hundred cows on the farm. Either Boycie's gone behind her back or he can't count.
5	"Pillow Talk"	Tony Dow	John Sullivan	7 October 2005	30 minutes	6.63 million
Marlene is having sleeping problems due to the unbearable quiet that comes with farm life. Not even the bloody Owl outside is helping her sleeping pattern, but one thing might – and only Boycie can provide that. That is until Boycie decides that Jed could do something different to help her but will she appreciate it? Meanwhile, Jed looks forward to his trip to London to attend the farmers' convention with his free ticket and Tyler attends his first day at his new school, however he takes more interest in his teacher than perhaps he should.
6	"Sex and the Country"	Tony Dow	John Sullivan	14 October 2005	30 minutes	6.40 million
Tyler approaches his English teacher and asks for a date but she declines, however this doesn't stop Tyler buying her a box of make up. In the end, Tyler gives in to Marlene's nagging and reveals that he has feelings for his teacher. So Boycie goes to see her and she makes it clear that she is not interested in Tyler, she only likes older men – but as things start to heat up, Llewellyn stumbles in. Meanwhile, Elgin, Bryan, Jed and Mrs Cakeworthy concoct a potion for the bull, to make him attracted to the cows however Boycie drinks it.
Special
7	"One Flew Over the Cuckoo Clock"	Tony Dow	John Sullivan	25 December 2005	50 minutes	4.59 million
Boycie is invited to a country club ball for Christmas, along with royalty and other high up persons. Boycie meets two men who run a polo club, and tell Boycie that for a few million he could be a joint partner and within a year he would become a millionaire and be knighted as 'Sir Aubrey'. So they agree to spend Christmas together in Switzerland, but on Christmas Eve Boycie and Marlene can't make it to the airport as they are snowed in. So, they are forced to spend Christmas with Mrs Cakeworthy, Bryan, Jed and Llewellyn – as he is filling in for Elgin as farm manager because Elgin has gone into hospital. The TV shows a crime show revealing that the two men that were inviting Boycie to join their polo club were con men and the Driscoll brothers had followed them to Switzerland looking for Boycie because they saw his picture in a country magazine which mentioned where they would be that Christmas. So, Boycie insists that God looked after him and made it snow on purpose. So the Boyces are safe and sound, for now, and continue to celebrate Christmas Driscoll-brothers free...

Series 2 (2006)

Episode	Original title	Directed by	Written by	Original airdate	Duration	Viewership
Series
8	"Testing Times"	Dewi Humphreys	Jim Sullivan	15 September 2006	30 minutes	5.04 million
Boycie uses artificial fertiliser to increase the amount of crops he produces a year, but unfortunately for him his mad next door neighbour Llewellyn spots him hiding the artificial fertiliser and calls the European Union who come to inspect Boycie's farm. Boycie panics and believes he will be sent to prison, and then Elgin, Bryan and Jed add to his worries when they give him a sleeping potion that results in an abnormal amount of hair loss. The day of the inspection comes and the farm staff might have just saved the day.
9	"Here's to You, Mrs Boyce"	Dewi Humphreys	John Sullivan	22 September 2006	30 minutes	4.79 million
Tyler needs another set of help sessions on his school work, so a student-tutor comes to the house to try to help Tyler revise, although it's Marlene the student tutor puts his attention on. When Tyler's tutor makes a pass at Marlene, Boycie enters and mistakes the kiss for an attempt at an epileptic fit resuscitation, so Boycie – who is running for Mayor – attempts to revive the tutor with mouth to mouth, which leads to a rather more complicated situation. Meanwhile, Tyler tries to impress Beth by joining the school's rugby team.
10	"Bothered and Bewildered"	Dewi Humphreys	Derren Litten and John Sullivan	29 September 2006	30 minutes	4.77 million
Boycie decides that it's time to sack one of his staff members as they are not doing enough work, therefore Mrs Cakeworthy is for the chop. As soon as Mrs Cakeworthy leaves, strange things start to happen around Winterdown Farm – and Elgin, Bryan and Jed seem to believe that these strange goings-on have something to do with the curse that Mrs Cakeworthy put on Farmer Boyce, as she is apparently a witch. It is later revealed that Marlene has been scaring Boycie – in an attempt to get Mrs Cakeworthy her job back.
11	"Mother Earth"	Dewi Humphreys	Jim Sullivan	6 October 2006	30 minutes	5.01 million
Marlene tries to set up a massage and beauty parlour in the house, using Boycie as her guinea pig. During his therapy, Marlene manages to semi-paralyse her husband whilst giving him a massage. Meanwhile, Tyler and Beth are getting closer, therefore Beth's visits to the farm are becoming more frequent but the strange goings-on involving Boycie and Marlene are also occurring more frequently as well leaving Beth uncomfortable with visiting the farm. It doesn't help matters when she sees Boycie totally naked in the living room of the house either.
12	"Schoolboy French"	Dewi Humphreys	James Windett and John Sullivan	13 October 2006	30 minutes	4.96 million
Lawrence, a French exchange student is coming to stay at the farm for a week, and all the ladies of the manor are excited as Lawrence is said to be a good looking young man, but when the student arrives it's a girl and it is now the men of the farm that start to get excited. Especially Tyler and Boycie – who are both seduced by this young beauty. When Marlene sends her packing, Tyler says sorry to Beth, and asks her to marry him and she accepts. That is until she finds out the ring is a fake that Marlene got given in the sixties.
13	"More Questions Than Answers"	Dewi Humphreys	Paul Alexander	20 October 2006	30 minutes	3.90 million
Llewellyn challenges Boycie to a pub quiz whereby the loser will have to pay the winner a large sum of money, thanks to Elgin's constant bargaining on behalf of Boycie. The Boyces look set for a huge money loss when their team is nothing but Elgin, Bryan and Jed. However, Tyler turns up and answers all the second round questions right and the two teams end up in a tie breaker but Winterdown Farm looks like it is set to have a bright, rich and rewarding future. Meanwhile, Mrs Cakeworthy is hosting seances in Boycie's front room.
14	"Brothers and Sisters"	Dewi Humphreys	Derren Litten	27 October 2006	30 minutes	5.28 million
When Marlene secretly invites her sister down to come and stay for the week, Boycie is angry and he reminds her that they are on the run from the Driscoll Brothers who want to shoot Boycie in the head. When Marlene's sister arrives, Bryan instantly falls in love but Marlene's sister isn't the only one to be visiting the Boyces, as the Driscoll Brothers have followed her. However, they are prepared to let Boycie live if he lets them hide something on his open fields. So they leave, to see Earl digging up the 'thing' which they have just buried.
Special
15	"From Here to Paternity"	Tony Dow	John Sullivan	25 December 2006	45 minutes	3.62 million
When Llewellyn arrives accusing the Boyce's dog, Earl, of seducing his pedigree collie, Blodwyn, who is now pregnant, trouble starts to brew in the village. Boycie doesn't want his reputation to be scarred by having a sexually orientated pet. Things get a whole lot worse, when Mrs Cakeworthy overhears the Boyces talking about it and she assumes they're talking about Tyler getting Beth pregnant. Then when Tyler overhears something being said he thinks that Mrs Cakeworthy is pregnant. Spiralling out of control, the rumours get more and more wild. Meanwhile, Mrs Cakeworthy is named Tai Chi Student of the Month, Tyler has a real Christmas surprise for Beth – a horse! Meanwhile Jed, Elgin and Bryan are convinced that the strange, terrible creature Old Bones has come back to stalk the land, consuming everything in its path.

Series 3 (2007)

Episode	Original title	Directed by	Written by	Original airdate	Duration	Viewership
Series
16	"But is it Art?"	Dewi Humphreys	Jim Sullivan	2 November 2007	30 minutes	5.34 million
Boycie and Marlene take a trip to a local country mansion, where Boycie admires the portraits that adorn the walls. Later, he recounts his admiration of this long established tradition of respect for the gentry. Meanwhile, thrown out by his wife, Elgin has moved into Bryan's caravan, which later burns down, and Boycie is horrified to find that Marlene has offered them a place to stay. A month later, it looks like they're never going to go, but they have a surprise – they've commissioned a local cow-painting artist to paint his portrait.
17	"The Lonely Herdsman"	Dewi Humphreys	Jim Sullivan	9 November 2007	30 minutes	4.62 million
When Marlene drags Boycie and Tyler to visit her mother Dora, the battle lines are drawn. Spending the day away from the farm gives the staff freedom – well, more than they do usually, so they use this to their advantage. However, Bryan is trying his hand at poetry to stop him feeling lonely, as it is the fourth anniversary of his engagement to Myrtle. Meanwhile, Mrs Cakeworthy is surfing the net to help him find a girlfriend but unfortunately finds him one called Steamy Stella. Meanwhile, Dora is cooking up a plan to get rid of Boycie.
18	"If You Go Down to the Woods"	Dewi Humphreys	Jim Sullivan	23 November 2007	30 minutes	5.20 million
Marlene is distraught when Earl goes missing so Boycie offers a reward for his return. Tyler, thinking of the money, sets off to find Earl but soon gets distracted by Beth. Meanwhile, Boycie forms a search party consisting of himself, Bryan and Jed in an attempt to find Earl and save him some money. Elgin and Mrs Cakeworthy attempt to comfort a hysterical Marlene but Mrs Cakeworthy's traditional biscuit mountain doesn't make a big impression. However, a returning Tyler and Earl bring a smile to her face but where is Boycie?
19	"Sweet Sorrow"	Dewi Humphreys	John Sullivan and Keith Lindsay	30 November 2007	30 minutes	6.05 million
Boycie and Marlene are flushed with pride as they dream of their son's golden future, but when Tyler's A-Level results let him down, it is the staff who provide the key to getting him motivated. However, after Marlene's visions of Oxford and Cambridge battling it out over Tyler, Boycie decides that he'd better call in some favours and get his son into a university. Meanwhile, Beth has university offers flooding in and a slightly jealous Tyler begins his first taste of ambition. Has the small fortune that Boycie has paid out in private education been a waste?
20	"Fifteen Minutes"	Dewi Humphreys	David Cantor	7 December 2007	30 minutes	5.08 million
On the way home from a shopping trip, Boycie and Marlene notice a marquee pitched on the village green. Upon a closer inspection they see that it is for a new reality television series called 'Farm Idol'. Boycie's disgust at such as show turns to amusement as he notices Elgin, Bryan and Jed emerging from the marquee. As the show precedes it is revealed that the challenges go from silly to ridiculous but that won't put the boys off. But are they sure that they can handle speed milking, synchronised ploughing and blindfolded sheep shearing?
21	"The Final Curtain"	Dewi Humphreys	John Sullivan	14 December 2007	30 minutes	5.46 million
Bryan's turkey, Paxo, is on his last legs, so the others rally round and organise a memorial service for the turkey. Meanwhile, Marlene is hoping for a holiday however Boycie refuses claiming that he doesn't have enough money and Tyler has been suspended from university after his scandalous partying antics. However, he is still required to study so therefore the drawing room table is cluttered with John Lennon revision. Also, Boycie takes a look at the website but finds out some information that he'd rather have remained ignorant to.
22	"Lust in Translation"	Dewi Humphreys	David Cantor	21 December 2007	30 minutes	4.32 million
When Bryan arranges to meet his on-line lover, the staff's loyalties are severely tested, especially after the events that follow. Meanwhile, Llewellyn seizes the opportunity of securing extra labour when Bryan's lustful date arrives with a rather large unexpected family in tow.
Special
23	"The Special Relationship"	Dewi Humphreys	John Sullivan and Keith Lindsay	30 December 2007	40 minutes	5.40 million
Whilst out in the fields, Boycie and Marlene are horrified when Earl digs up an unexploded hand grenade. However, Boycie takes charge of the situation by diving behind the nearest tractor. But this is just the beginning. It is soon discovered that The Grange was once used as a US Army base in the 1970s. After some more World War Two relics are found, Boycie decides to transform one of his barns into a military museum. Word of Boyce's heroic involvement in the hand grenade incident attracts much media attention, even from the Peckham Times. Meanwhile, Cliff Cooper (George Wendt) arrives in Oakham intent on visiting the old haunts of his military posting. It turns out that he was billeted at The Grange so Boycie and Marlene are quick to invite him to their home as a guest. Boycie is especially pleased when he discovers than Cliff is a president and CEO of a large corporation in LA. An evening in the pub that evening brings up a conversation about the 'Cloud Day' incident and the fact that Cliff was a bit of a ladies' man but rumour has it he left behind a child.

Series 4 (2009)

Episode	Original title	Directed by	Written by	Original airdate	Duration	Viewership
Series
24	"The Path of True Love"	Dewi Humphreys	Jim Sullivan	8 January 2009	30 minutes	4.07 million
The staff easily notice that all is not well at Winterdown Farm. Boycie's lack of attention giving is upsetting Marlene so much that she feels unloved, under-valued and extremely lonely. With worries floating through her head that their marriage may be coming to a close she seeks the help of the local marriage guidance counsellor. When Boycie finds out that their private problems are being spread about the village by no other than his own wife! However, he soon finds out not to confront her as her depression transforms into fury and she throws him out.
25	"Home Brew"	Dewi Humphreys	John Sullivan	15 January 2009	30 minutes	4.02 million
Whilst searching through the loft, Boycie finds some ancient scrolls and paperwork left behind by the old squire. He also finds a medieval recipe for a traditional local liquor called 'Ye Potato Cyder'. The recipe is accompanied by a royal charter allowing Boycie to make and sell the liquor. With the help of his staff he goes into full-scale business building a distillery in his barn and buying up all the potatoes in the locality. Unfortunately his success attracts two people he thought he'd never see again.
26	"Calendar Boys"	Dewi Humphreys	David Cantor	22 January 2009	30 minutes	3.86 million
Marlene is bored with life on the farm, so she throws herself into charity work. As a result of her efforts, Boycie stumbles upon an opportunity to become Sir Aubrey. Marlene, with the help of the farm staff, tries to use her charity contacts to help her husband achieve his dream but unfortunately, life is never that simple, particularly where the Boyces are involved. Marlene's calendar, upon release, comes close to sparking many complaints has both Tyler and Boycie have been included involuntarily.
27	"Animal Instincts"	Dewi Humphreys	Jim Sullivan	29 January 2009	30 minutes	3.87 million
Oakam village is under attack from animal rights activists. Llewellyn is one of their first targets when he is hit with a paint bomb, the village butcher is fly-postered with leaflets and even the local pub is under threat. All the local farming community is living in fear, so Boycie organises his staff into patrol groups to search Winderdown farm and protect it from attack but whose side is Tyler on? Meanwhile, Tyler plans a charity gig that just happens to be a raging success plus he's even got Status Quo to make an appearance.
28	"Your Cheating Art"	Dewi Humphreys	John Sullivan	5 February 2009	30 minutes	3.93 million
Marlene is worried about Tyler, who is in a deep depression and on what appears to be a starvation diet. Mrs Cakeworthy, meanwhile, discovers the reason why Tyler is withdrawn and spending every hour painting gloomy pictures. She has 'found' a letter from his girlfriend, Beth, in which she says she wants to finish with him. Marlene is distraught and even tries enlisting help from Jed and Bryan to help her little boy come to terms with a broken heart. Maybe Dora can help?
29	"The Departed"	Dewi Humphreys	Keith Lindsay	12 February 2009	30 minutes	3.73 million
Tyler is preparing for his first gig with his band, Puddle Of Agony. He has booked a venue at the university and Boycie and Marlene are driving him down with all the kit in the boot. Left alone to look after The Grange, the staff head down to the pub where they get talking to Natasha and Ian, two psychic detectives who are in the area seeking phantoms and ghouls. They work for Paranormal Monthly magazine and are offering £5,000 for the photo of a ghost. Eyes set on the dosh, Elgin offers them the run of a haunted thirty-room manor house.
30	"I Done It My Way"	Dewi Humphreys	John Sullivan	19 February 2009	30 minutes	3.46 million
With a microphone and a tape recorder, Boycie recalls the big issues in his life in what he intends to be a classic – a life manual and an important book for future generations. Boycie's story begins as he recalls his Peckham days, with flashback memories to his South London life with Del Boy, Rodney and the rest of the gang. He fondly remembers his friendships, their adventures, the subsequent move to Shropshire and his new life on the farm. His memories of the old days proves surprisingly enlightening for him and hilarious for Marlene.
31	"One Man's Junk"	Dewi Humphreys	Robert Evans	26 February 2009	30 minutes	3.70 million
The Antiques Roadshow arrives in Oakham, so Marlene attempts to find something to take down to have valued. Boycie can see the truth though, he knows that she only wants to go down there to get on telly. The farms staff also want to get on telly, but their attempts are slightly more extraordinary. Meanwhile, Tyler and his girlfriend make progress and the rest of Oakham attempt to find something to take down and have valued. Guest starring Fiona Bruce.
32	"For Richer For Poorer"	Dewi Humphreys	Gary Lawson and John Phelps	5 March 2009	30 minutes	4.38 million
Boycie and Marlene have been married for nearly forty years so Marlene is planning a huge party to celebrate their Ruby wedding anniversary. A marquee and caterers have been booked, the flowers are being organised and a band has been booked to play their song – "What's New Pussy Cat". Meanwhile, the guest list has grown to an enormous length and Marlene has contacted their old Peckham solicitor but he has some bad news, something that might just affect her relationship with Boycie.

Ratings

The Green Green Grass : UK viewers per episode (millions)

Season		Episode number									Average
		1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9
	1	8.88	6.34	5.86	6.33	6.63	6.40	4.59	N/A		6.43
	2	5.04	4.79	4.77	5.01	4.96	3.90	5.28	3.62	N/A	4.67
	3	5.34	4.62	5.20	6.05	5.08	5.46	4.32	5.40	N/A	5.18
	4	4.07	4.02	3.86	3.87	3.93	3.73	3.46	3.70	4.38	3.89

Audience measurement performed by Broadcasters' Audience Research Board.

References

External links

• The Green Green Grass BBC Comedy Guide
• The Green Green Grass British Sitcom Guide
• The Green Green Grass
• The Green Green Grass Only Fools and Horses